Tag Archives: beth sewell

What if I’m not good enough?

IMG_1841-2-4Yesterday, as the girls took their naps, I felt drawn to our comfy couch, not to nap but to spend some time with God. On normal days I like to chill out by reading or watching a show that’s too “action-y” for the girls, as Bekah puts it. But no. The air was expectant and alive with the Holy Spirit’s company. I don’t think there was anything specific He wanted to say, simply that He just wanted to talk with me. We could talk about whatever. So I began reflecting on all my hopes, questions and concerns with this YWAM plant that is about to happen. It hasn’t been preying on my mind, per se, but I do occasionally wonder at God choosing little old me to co-lead this Big Deal. I am painfully aware of all my faults and my shortcomings and I do sometimes get that “Oh snap!” feeling in the pit of my stomach, although I try my best to ignore it as much as possible.

I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking at the bright side of things where the future is concerned (I’m winking, if you can’t tell).

I’ve been tucked safely away in our home for the past few years, taking care of our girls and nursing a number of health issues. I’ve had minimal contact with other human beings and so minimal opportunity to  mess things up. I have no qualms with learning from past mistakes, but never has it seemed so paramount to get it right the first time as it does now. I have full confidence in Micah’s ability, his character, and his stamina to carry out this vision God is sharing with us –not so much in my own.

God encouraged me through 1 Corinthians 3. Micah felt I should share it here and spread some of that encouragement around to anyone facing a similar predicament. Click here to read the chapter.

When I first read this I said, “Wha–?” As in, “What? I don’t see how this applies to what we were just talking about, God.” So I read it again today at lunch and He helped me see what He was trying to show me yesterday.

Did you read it? Now skip down a few lines.

Ah yes. The good old  “I am of Paul” vs. “I am of Apollos” fight. The Corinthians were getting hung up on who was following who, and who did what first and a whole lot of nonsense. Imagine the growing Christian church of that day as a garden or planted field as Paul sums up, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.” (1 Corinthians 3:6-7). Now skip to the end and read where it says God has given us all things and we belong to Him.

So in answer to my question, “What if I’m not good enough or smart enough?” God says He is doing this marvelous thing; this crazy vision for a YWAM Upper Valley is His. He is doing it, not us. He has given it to us, and we belong to Him. He is causing the growth. The weight is ultimately on His shoulders. Phew! Thank goodness for that.

On to foundations.

(1 Corinthians 3:10-15) I remember when we first came to School of the Bible seven years ago and telling folks, “We’re doing this school so we can have a firm foundation before heading out into the mission field.” I know foundations are actually pretty boring. Slabs of concrete that, as a homeowner, you never want to see or think about for fear of finding those ominous cracking lines. Boring or not, I’ve got a soft spot for them. It clicks in my brain when Paul says we have a foundation which is Jesus Christ. The-Sims-4-build-modeOn our SIMS-like journey to building the Kingdom of God, Jesus is our foundation and we get to build on it. Our add-ons are tested by fire. If we build and our work remains, hurray! We did a good job. Pats on the back all around! If the quality of our work proves poor and is lost in the fire, we suffer loss (in that bits or all of our house burnt down) but we don’t perish with it. A worst case scenario of blowing it big time is I get to start over with Jesus. It’s not the end. I’ll learn. I have the good foundation and I’ll endure. All is not lost and I can build again, all the wiser. “Relax, Beth.”

I walked away from lunch with these three think-points:

  1. Have a good foundation. Focus on that. Build wisely.
  2. Don’t be duped by the wisdom of the world (1 Corinthians 3:18-20). God sending out little inexperienced me to take on this big task will probably look foolish to the world, but the wisdom of the world is foolishness before God. People will think it’s crazy so just get over it.
  3. Consider this in confidence: God is in charge of all of this. It will be all right, come what may.

If God is handing you something big and scary try to relax. He doesn’t expect you to be good enough or smart enough. He’s making that garden grow. He’s holding the house up. He doesn’t expect you to do His job. He wants you to participate but not stress out about being in charge.