Beth and I should have been going to bed. It was 11:30. Responsible people are asleep by 11PM. Instead I decided that we should watch SNL to see how well they would parody the Vice Presidential Debate. Turning on the TV does not normally hurt people. The problem in our house is that we only use our television for Bekah’s DVDs, or as she calls them “E-V-Ds”. The TV is in an entertainment center. I have basic cable because it makes our internet a bit cheaper somehow, but the cable is about seven feet away and sticks out about 10 inches from the ground with no give. Here’s where shouldas and couldas come in. Go ahead insert your solution.
Using my muscles instead of my brain I decided I would lift our 27inch Sony Trinitron (Monster Old Style TV) and move it to the cable. Beth said, “Wait, Micah. I can get the coffee table under it.” I replied, “Nah…I got it.” Then I lifted the monster out of the entertainment center and walked towards the cable. I was about to set it down. Beth said again, “Micah, let me put the table over there.” My response again, “Nah…I ggg!!!! AHHHHHHHH” It happened. I dropped the TV on my left foot big toe, and it hurt! Somehow I lifted it off and saw …. if you get squeamish stop reading….a bloody mess. All at once I thought, “My TV is broken. I don’t have my big toe anymore. No, maybe it’s just the nail. I can’t afford the Emergency Room. Blood!” I moved quickly into the bathroom, stuck my foot in the tub, ripped off the dangling toenail and called my brother. Lucky for me Nathan is an RN, AND he answered his phone.
“Hey, Nate, umm…Are you in town?”
“Yeah, what’s wrong?”
“I dropped a TV on my foot, and it’s bleeding like crazy. Ummm…. I think I’m gonna pass out. Can you come over?”
I could still hear his voice, but it seemed to be 400 feet away, and there was an eerie high pitched howl resonating from somewhere.
The good news: Nope. Well, I got some time off work.
The prognosis: It’ll grow back some day long after it stops hurting. It wasn’t broken and somehow isn’t bruised anywhere.
The moral: Don’t watch SNL. They did a terrible job with the VP debate anyway.